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How to be happy with yourself after a breakup?

How to Get Over a Breakup | How to be happy with yourself after a breakup

How to be happy with yourself after a breakup?
How to be happy with yourself after a breakup

Buddhist Philosophy about How to be happy with yourself after a breakup

Breakups can be very painful. It's no secret to those who have gone through one. The pain that some people experience after separation is a sign that something is not right in the situation. From the Buddhist point of view, breakups are not the only problem, because it is natural to lose people we meet in our lifetime. After all, it is part of the ways of the temporary universe.

The problem is how we approach the idea of ​​love, which is mainly characterized by desire and attachment. But in Buddhism true love, attachment and desire have little to do with it. Love should not be annoying; instead, it should be a joyous experience that benefits everyone involved.

When a person suffer from a breakup than feels the need to be happy and until we start relying on the person to whom we are attached, the attachment will be a lot. To some extent, we can compare ourselves to addicts who stay away from drugs. But, hopefully, we can create attachments, but we can free ourselves from them.

Freedom from attachment and certain desires is central to the Buddhist path, which aims at liberation from the hardships of life. This article explores Buddhist teachings that can help us deal with painful separation. To free ourselves from suffering, we need a proper understanding of the reality of existence.

In Buddhism, this insight is provided by four great truths:

  • The first truth is that suffering is a natural feature of existence.
  • The second truth is that suffering arises from a specific "thirst" that can be identified as desire, attachment, and desire.
  • The third truth is that by letting go of this "thirst", suffering can end.
  • The fourth truth is the way to free us from suffering.


From a Buddhist point of view, today's love relationships are very problematic because they are overwhelmed with attachment and desire. We don't have to have our lovers in our lives; We also expect things from us that make us happy and stay away from things that bother us.

This method of love, though celebrated in our culture, is a very wonderful structure to ensure our well-being, because we put our happiness in someone else's hands. This means that the chance of losing that person is terrible, and even though we are waiting for it, we will work very hard to prevent it from happening.

Now, that's the source of misery! It is unhealthy, and the desire to never be separated from another human being means that in the end, everything will fall apart and we deny the fact that separation is inevitable. As the Buddha said, sorrow arises from attachment. A person who is completely free from the attachment of the Buddha has no sorrow.

When we are separated from the person we are supposed to be the primary source of happiness, it is not surprising that we are deeply saddened. It is painful to suddenly have to live without what we want. The source of our happiness is now more painful when we are serving someone else.

The good news is, our desire is diminishing. The more liberated we are from our association with a particular person, the less we suffer. This may be difficult to accept; especially when we are suffering from extreme grief and the only way to end our suffering is through reconciliation with the person we have lost.

Now, it is important to remember that this is a temporary illusion. We can be happy without this person. Also, we may not want this person, but we want to be without pain. That is why people often try to self-medicate with alcohol and drugs, or reduce the pain with excessive pain or find an alternative as soon as possible. Of course, these things may help for a while, but in essence, they are nothing more than efforts to prevent pain. And for this to work, we need to indulge in these pleasures, and ultimately need more of them to maintain the pain-reducing effect.

This behavior not only leads to serious problems such as addiction; It also prevents us from touching the source of our suffering, which means that what we are running will never melt away. From a Buddhist perspective, we weaken our attachments by confronting them. This means we have to sit with our pain; Find out about our thoughts and feelings related to it. In this case, break up, and observe them closely, do not cling to them and accept them.

Only when we accept them can we allow them to rise without any resistance so that they eventually become scattered like clouds in the sky. As the attachment deepens, our thoughts and feelings often come back and haunt us. But after a while, attachments weaken and we experience them less and less until we think about our ex. So, our relationships are temporary, but so are our thoughts and feelings.

Buddhism does not support romantic love because it is not true love. True love does not hurt, and it is not so contagious to a person, it is not directed necessarily. True love is giving without asking for anything in return, letting go, and wanting to be good to others without the opportunity for personal gain.

The unconditional love that Buddhists call 'meta' or 'loving kindness' is meant for all beings, including our enemies, whether you like it or not, our ex. Spread the Infinite Love to the whole world, above, below, and without any hindrance, without any malice, without enmity, as the Buddha says.

For many of us, it is a strange thing to want our ancestors to be happy, especially when they did something terrible. But it proves just how destructive the traditional quest for love and relationships can be; It is conditional and can easily turn into hate. How can it be love if it is close to hate? The answer is simple, it's not love. What we experience is 'fake love' which depends on desire and attachment. Fake love means using our own needs, ownership, control, satisfaction, using someone as the source of our happiness, using someone for our pleasure.

True love means someone wants to be happy. Fake love means someone wants to make us happy. Now, we can see the painful parting of the blessing in disguise. It is an opportunity to free ourselves from strong, unhealthy attachments and to develop our ability to be alone. The more satisfied we are in solitude, the more we can love someone without need; Not wanting to become a source of pleasure and pleasure to use them.



The more self-reliant we are about our needs and the more we feel fully within ourselves, the less we need someone. It paves the way for more true and isolated love from a Buddhist perspective. And as a bonus, the breakup causes very little damage. Share and Subscribe to our website for regular updates.


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